Saturn Departs
A Saturn Return Retrospective
A preface for those who are less astrologically inclined: a planetary return refers to the period when a transiting planet lines up with where that planet is in the natal chart. All heavenly bodies, eventually, have returns. We experience a Lunar return every 28 days. We experience a Solar return once a year. The first Saturn return happens in your late 20s, because Saturn is pretty far away and take a long time to get all the way around the zodiac. It is, astrologically speaking, the initiation into fully realized adulthood. If you’re using the traditional planets, you have now experienced every planet in every house and sign.
So, using myself as an example, my Saturn return started in December 2017 as the planet entered Capricorn and has lasted until… well, right about now*, actually, as Saturn enters Aquarius and will not be retrograding back. And, more specifically, transiting Saturn touched my natal degree in late January 2020. That’s 3 years of the ever-watchful eyes of Saturn on me.
The first stage of my return was something of a dark night of the soul.
And that has spurred a lot of changes. Some people have a big fear of Saturn, but I don’t. Yes, Saturn is the planet that brings our limitations, our boundaries, and things that we fear. But, if you don’t know your limitations, how will you know when you need to pull back and recoup? If you don’t know your boundaries, how will you ever enforce them? If you don’t know your fears, will you ever be able to face them and grow? Saturn has powerful lessons for us. Saturn returns and tests us; asking “what have you learned?” and expects a good answer.
My Saturn return was marked by loss: of people, of stability, and of time. There are pieces of these last three years that I literally cannot recall while I was lost in a cloud of grief. I spent a lot of time questioning my choices. Was I even doing anything right? Anything worth doing? Shouldn’t I have some higher purpose or more grand goals on the horizon? I was very lost, perhaps not on the surface, but in my heart and in my spirit. The first stage of my return was something of a dark night of the soul. Saturn returned, quite literally to its domicile and said “Oh, no, none of this will do” and proceeded to wipe the slate clean.
So, I turned to the only things I’ve ever turned to: the Gods, the Spirits, and my soul family. I learned the value of being alone, but also the necessity of having community and support. I came to understand my limitations and honor them. I stepped up to my responsibilities and took ownership of the places where I had let my care slip. I took those Saturnian tools in my hands and got to work (as Capricorn is want to do). In so many ways I started over – I went back to the basics, the smallest building blocks of my life and refined them.
And now, I have built myself a new foundation – one that will serve me well and support me through new growth. I have crafted a daily practice of offerings and rituals. I honor my boundaries and do not shy away from letting go of things that I am no longer willing to sacrifice myself for. I know better than to run myself into the ground for the sake of something that doesn’t support me. Perhaps that seems harsh, but I’ve also found something of a motto: Discipline is simply compassion with your future self.
Saturn taught me to make decisions – you can’t build anything if you are unwilling to lay the ground work. Saturn taught me caution and clarity and new ways to prepare of the future. Is my life exactly how I’ve always dreamed it would be? No, of course not. But Saturn isn’t about instant gratification. Saturn is about the long haul, the legacy.
I can never have that dream life if all I’m willing to do is dream. There is no force in this universe that will bring that into being if I am not willing to be the conduit and ground that vision in actual works.
*Saturn entered Aquarius at about 10pm local time 12/16/20